What do you want to do when you grow up?
That was the million dollar question we got asked when we were kids. Don’t you remember it? Don’t you remember someone older than you crouching down to get on your level, looking in your eyes, and asking you that question. Do you remember how boldly you would answer the question? It was almost like the first thing that came to mind was the first thing you blurted out. We weren’t worried about what other people thought. Honestly, I don’t even think we were even too concerned about what we ourselves were thinking. Whatever it was, we said it was what we wanted to do. This was being a child.
You hear people tell stories of their childhood. You listen as they talk of times when the air around them seemed to have a sweeter aroma. It is as if their days of youth held a little extra something that livened up their insides. They recount scenario after scenario of when they were totally and completely childlike. When the opinions of those around them were inconsequential and their inquisitiveness kept them dreaming. It is there inside all of us, that child. The one we like to tell stories about. The one that wanted to be a doctor on Monday but by Wednesday was ambitious enough to claim an astronaut as the goal. Cardboard boxes were our transportation to anywhere we wanted to go. Hairbrushes were our microphones and living rooms were the largest stages. We speak of that part of us in past tense. Memories we like to reminisce on. However, this part of us. This version of us. It was never intended to be spoken of in the past tense form. It was always intended to stay.
With Jesus, childlikeness is not a phase we grow out of. Childlikeness was intended to stay.
“And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:3
I have noticed that as I got older the question changed. In fact, it went from a question to a statement. What was once, “what do you want to do?” became, “you will do big things.” At twenty-eight, I can tell you that I am just now starting to see that the phrase “you will do big things” has wounded me greatly. Even paralyzed me at times. I am starting to see that I have had no idea what I wanted to do, nor knew how to let myself even ask the question. Because the question felt like it had been taken away from me and a statement of “big things” was constantly hovering over my conscience. Let me clarify, I have a role in this. The desire to please people and be impressive are in me. I know that. When you pair those two things together with a word like “big” it is a recipe to gratify my flesh.
For the last few months, I have been journeying, with the help of a counselor, to see how hard it is for me to know what I want, to say what I want, and how afraid I am that maybe what I really want won’t be what people expect me to do or won’t be the “big” thing. But I have ultimately seen that the common denominator in all of it is one thing – man’s approval. Nowhere in any of it was Jesus.
Jesus.
The one who tells me to stay like a child. He never told me He needed me to do big things. He never told me that I had to be impressive. He never told me that what everyone else thinks matters. He never told me I am less influential or impactful by what I do. He never told me there was only one lane.
I am afraid that this phrase of “big things” is distorting our thinking. Especially in the church, where we talk of giftings so often. I am afraid that it is also making people hesitant to walk in the lane they truly feel the Lord has called them to out of fear that it doesn’t check the box.
As a writer, we think we write the book.
As a teacher, we think we stand on the stage.
As a pastor, we think we have the mega church.
All of those things might happen, and praise be to God if they do. However, I have started to see that what is often happening is that when we aren’t careful, we desire for the fruit of the gift to only look one specific way – and usually it is what we believe is the “big” thing.
I come to you humbly today to admit that this is where I have lived. The result of that has been putting some giftings on the bookshelf and only taking it off when the setting looks like what I want it to. I haven’t been writing because it wasn’t working on a second book. I have been teaching but only in rooms where clearly a crowd was listening.
By the grace of God, I am starting to see differently. By grace of God, I am getting back to asking the question. A new question:
“God what do you want me to do here?”
Brothers and sisters – if you feel called to write, write. If you feel called to teach, teach. If you feel called to create, create. I have felt such freedom in finally realizing that the things I feel like God has put in me are no less valid because of the way they are unfolding in this season. There is space for it to look different. There is the invitation for it to be far more than what we limit it to.
Practically what does this look like?
For me, as someone in the corporate world, not in full time vocational ministry, it looks like me realizing that when we have new people hired, I thrive when teaching them the role they just started in. I enjoy answering their questions. It looks like me being the one at the gym willing to partner with the new person, because I get to teach them how to do an exercise they have never done. It looks like me telling a friend I will proofread something they wrote because I love to help people communicate a thought clearly. It looks like me remembering that I don’t write to be heard. I write because it is how I untangle my thoughts and get myself back to right faith filled thinking. It looks like me asking God what He intends for me to say yes to in this season to use what it is He has wired me with. It looks like asking God to open my eyes to opportunities right where my feet are.
It has been the greatest exhale knowing that I am no less of a writer or a teacher if in this season that means not finishing a second book or standing on stages. What it means is that I get to approach Jesus and ask Him how He intends for me to use what is in me right now. Ultimately, that is what matters most. Our giftings were given to us to glorify Him and make Him known. It means that I do not have to worry about how it unfolds or if it is perceived as “big.”
For far too long I have been so concerned about the “big” that I missed the fact that with that came little surrender. I was only willing to walk through the doors that felt like “surely this is it.” Instead of saying, “Jesus wherever you have me, make me useful here.”
I pray that we start moving away from speaking over people, “you are made for big things” and start to champion people that whatever lane it is they are running in, that God created them, purposed them, placed them, and intends to use them right where they are.
So I ask you today….
What does God want you to do?
Drown out all the noise and the ideas that you have decided things have to be and really ask God what it is He would have you do. I have had and I am having to do the same. It is slowing down to see if the things that I am doing or working towards doing are things God told me to do or are they things I told myself I needed to do.
You can do what you think the “big” thing is and it will not be the thing God told you to do. And I pose this to you – what even is big?
I no longer want to worry about doing the big thing. I want to spend my days making sure I am doing the things God has told me to do.
Be the child. Not concerned what anyone else thinks. And saying yes to the things God has put in you.
